30. April 2009 by Bex.

Ahhh today feels like a normal KC day.  It rained a lot and now the sun is coming out.  That means HUMIDITY!  So it feels very moist in here.  Moist.  Almost sounds like a dirty word, doesn’t it?

I thought I was going to have a really easy time of this surgery but I was totally thrown for a loop.  The amount of bruising isn’t just on the surface but it feels really deep.  Any movement is really painful and it’s hard to get comfortable to sleep.  Last night I was awake, watching TV on the couch until 1:00 AM.  I just slept there rather than risking waking up Ron and the remaining two dogs in our room.  (Not to mention the two little dogs and my mother-in-law asleep in the guest room.)  There really isn’t jack or shit on that late at night.  I watched America’s Next Top Model on the dvr and then tried to watch Brokeback Mountain.  Hmm.

I only watched half of it but I have a few observations.  First, the way the cowboys talked, in a muffled, muttering sort of way, was so familiar.  I myself mutter and have to constantly repeat myself.  It doesn’t help, by the way, that I haven’t lost all my North Dakota accent.  So I was reminded a bit of home and some of my uncles by the way the characters talked.  Their emotional restraint was also familiar.  Second, if you are making a film about two gay cowboys who get it on in the mountains, why would you call it Brokeback Mountain?  Surely they could have chosen a different title.  Maybe Bobcat Mountain or Laramie Peak or anything else.  Cripes.  It’s like calling it Mount-Me Mountain, Cornhole Mountain or Cock-n-Balls Mountain.  That really irked me.  Third, no matter how good looking the actors, man-on-man love is just not attractive.  I’m sure any gay man reading this will disagree but I guess that’s my take on it.

Other than being in pain last night, I was unable to sleep due to some stressful thinking.  My oldest dog, Sadie, is showing signs of poor health.  She’s still eating and drinking, pooping, peeing, all that essential stuff.  However she can never get comfortable, especially at night.  I think it’s due to the huge tumors on her side and her chest and belly.  I’ve known about these tumors for a long time; the tumors are benign, fatty lumps.  They are growing into her abdomen, around her intestines and liver.  Sadie will yelp out of nowhere and we aren’t sure if it is her tumors starting to cause her discomfort.  We’ve been to the vet twice and they don’t know what is wrong.  I could put her through some expensive and stressful tests but I’m not sure I want to go there yet.  I cried about it last night because I don’t want her to be in pain.  If she is going to die soon, I want her to just slip away in her sleep rather than have to take her into a sterile, strange place to be euthanized.  Death is something eventual, we cannot avoid it.  I just pray she can go in peace and comfort at home, without pain.  I guess all we can do is keep an eye on her and try to recognize her comfort levels.

I was also up thinking about my physical health and job requirements.  Soon we will be moving 10,000 square feet of artifacts from one storage space to a better one.  It will be a tough move and I’m not sure how much will be physically demanded from me.  I’m worried I won’t be able to keep up due to the pain and exhaustion I experience.  It’s stressful.  I wonder if I need to find a different job or will they keep me on even though I’m totally useless sometimes?  I don’t want to ever be a burden to anyone, even at work.

I do have some good news though!  I got my genetic test back and I am negative for the gene mutations that cause breast and ovarian cancers.  Hooray!  That doesn’t mean I can’t get it someday but at least I don’t have to seriously consider ripping my ovaries out in the next few years.  (Although there are many days I would love to remove my reproductive organs.)

Finally, since the movie wasn’t holding my interest last night, I watched a raccoon traipsing through our yard.  It was pretty big.  I haven’t seen a lot of raccoons in my time so I was fascinated.  (Now I know what got into the garbage a couple nights ago.)  It seemed almost primate-like the way it was using it’s forepaws to comb through the grass.  I have no idea what it was eating but seeing it does explain the aggressive sniffing and peeing the dogs exhibit every morning.  Like Ron says, “they are cute until they are trying to rip your face off.”

Time to get some work done.  Tschus.

Posted in Animals, Dogs, Movies, Health | 2 Comments »

25. April 2009 by Bex.

I survived, huzzah!  They tried to give me an IV and managed to get my blood all over the floor.  I have to give them props for trying to be really gentle with the IV.  It just didn’t work.  So a different nurse came over and rammed one into my other hand.  I’m pretty bruised all over.  That was my only freak-out.  They couldn’t get the IV in and I started crying and sweating and feeling pukey.  But after that, things were ok.  I got plenty of pain meds and anti-nausea stuff after the surgery.  I went in at 8:00 and was home by 1:00.  Then I had some delicious sleep for four hours.

Today I peeled off all the bandages and found a very nice bruise.  No wonder my stomach hurts so much!  I’m also swollen as hell.  I look like I’m 5 months pregnant.  Or that I’ve been drinking a case of beer a day for a year.  Either/or.

There’s a lot of air in my body that hasn’t been absorbed yet.  It really hurts to take deep breaths but it’s not bad overall.

Ron’s mother is here helping us out.  She brought her two little dogs so we now have a herd.  I say herd instead of pack because it just feels like we’re herding them around or vice versa.  Rowdy got shaved on Thursday and he looks like a little plucked chicken.  I think he feels really good though because he’s more comfortable and walks with his head held high.  Here are some doggie photos from Thursday evening:

Darvocet is wearing off, time to go.  Have a groovy Saturday!

Posted in Dogs, Infertility, Health | 1 Comment »

22. April 2009 by Bex.

It’s become bright and sunny here in the KC area.  It’s also very warm…almost hot.  I’m sure it will be 40 degrees in a few days, as this is a place of extremes.  I’m blogging from our back porch right now.  Surgery is in two days and I have to shamefully admit that I’m freaking the fuck out.  If you don’t know, I’m having my uterine septum bisected.  Google “Mullerian anomalies” if  you are curious.  I suppose just about anyone can appreciate a person’s fear of having sharp instruments inside or around his/her genitalia.  I’m sure I’ll be fine but I’m dreading the catheter and inability to piss on my own post-operation.

I was reading an NRA magazine today.  Yes, I do belong to the NRA because I believe in keeping the right to bear arms.  Some of what I read, I think “right on!”  “Yeah, damn Democrats, trying to take away semi-autos, wtf?!”  However, I can’t help but think about all the nut cases that have shot up college campuses and an immigration office.  If guns were illegal, would these people have purchased their firearms illegally and committed their crimes regardless?  Would they have gone mad while driving instead, and plowed their cars into a crowd of people?  If guns were unavailable, wouldn’t crimes still occur?  Not to mention the deer population exploding more than it has in recent years.  Chronic wasting disease again.  Because let’s face it.  Many rifles are semi-automatic.  I guess I feel that if I want to own a gun, or have an abortion, or marry a chick, I should be able to do so.  Mucking with the constitution and other laws to prevent the above is something I’m very against.  Now that doesn’t mean I think anyone should be able to walk down to their nearest Bullet Hole gun store and purchase a fully automatic weapon.  That’s not a defensive weapon or a hunting weapon.  That’s just a means of killing and maiming as many people as possible.  I don’t have all the answers to this big debate but I know what my inclinations are.  That’s about it.

Two things of note from this NRA magazine I’m reading which is called America’s 1st Freedom.  First is an article announcing the big speakers for the annual NRA banquet and forum: Lt. Colonel Oliver North and John Stossel.  What a pairing!!  Now that I think about it, John Stossel is a pretty plain spoken, no-nonsense kind of guy.  I don’t watch him very often but when I have, I’ve liked what he has to say.  I’m sure it will be interesting to those attending.  The other thing I’m noticing on this same page (page 26 if you are really wanting to see for yourself) is an advertisement for a collector’s edition of a custom AR-15 issued in honor of Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska.  HA!  “Called the Alaskan Hunter, the all-white AR made by Templar Consulting is chambered in .50 Beowulf, and includes 50 rounds of custom solids, a custom sling and Starlight case.”  Unfortunately I can’t find an image of this ummm interesting item at the company’s website (www.templarconsultingllc.com) nor could I find anything by doing a Google image search.  I did find some amusing and slightly disturbing images:

Like I said, I’m a gun owner and all for the right to bear arms but Palin’s custom AR-15?  Does it come with a helicopter mount?

My last word on gun ownership, I promise.  About a month ago I was home alone during the middle of the day.  Because Patton had hosed down the basement in urine (another lovely story I won’t share) I left the sliding glass door open to air things out.  I was all the way upstairs, without my cell phone, when I heard a door slam in the basement.  I figured it was just the wind blowing the laundry room door around even though I KNEW the door was already closed.  There was a moment of “fuck I’m alone, changing in the bedroom without a cell phone and what the hell was that???”  I loaded up Alfonso, the .357 I bought a year or so ago and took him throughout the house.  Don’t worry.  He wasn’t cocked and my finger was certainly NOT on the trigger.  I didn’t find anything and I have never left that door open since.  Thankfully it was nothing but I’m really glad I have that gun here.  A couple weeks ago when I was passed out on Ambien, Ron heard what sounded like gun shots followed by the screech of tires and sirens just up the hill and across the street.  He was glad I didn’t hear it and when I asked him if he looked out the window he exuberantly exclaimed “NO!”  So who knows in this neighborhood.  I’m just glad we are prepared for a thug or zombie apocolypse.

Anyway, that’s my day.  Hope everyone is well and good!  Tschus meinen freunden.

Posted in Guns, Politics, Infertility, Health, General | 2 Comments »

15. April 2009 by Bex.

My day was full of snot.  Allergies, allergies, allergies.  I think trees hate me.  I would be a mortal enemy to an Ent.

I started my day by taking Sadie to the vet.  She has been yelping a lot, when no one is near her.  I thought it was her chipped tooth but the vet couldn’t find anything wrong with her.  I think it is her poor ear.  It’s full of nasty goop from her own prolific allergies.  I got in a good five hours of work today so that’s better than nothing.

Speaking of not being able to get in a full 8 hours, I was called by my allergist because they are wondering where the hell I am.  Isn’t that nice of them?  Due to a miscommunication, I wasn’t able to make an appointment.  If I wasn’t so miserable I wouldn’t go in there.  I feel like I have enough goddamn doctor appointments to go to.  If you have tree allergies, don’t move here.  Back home we don’t have trees.  Trees are evil.  Tomorrow there will be more needle pokes, more sneezing, more misery.

Ron and I did go to the Tea Party today though.  I managed to stand outside and people watch for about a half an hour before I got too sneezy.  There were some good points made by the speakers about the various stimulus packages passed by our benevolent leaders.  There were all kinds of people there but mostly white people.  Republicans, Democrats, Libertarians, etc.  I mostly read signs that people made.  I was wondering how African-Americans are dealing with the new president.  If you are black and you oppose some major issues that Obama is pushing, are you considered against your own race by others?  It seems like if one is against the tax hikes initiated by Obama, people are automatically considered “conservative” and “right wing.”  But during the election, anyone voting for Obama was “far left.”  Wtf?  I hate both sides.  I can’t stand either party.  It doesn’t matter how good a person’s intentions are when he/she is running for President.  There are too many corrupt people around them, pushing and lobbying for their own interests.  How can anyone stay true to their convictions?

Here are some photos from the grounds of Liberty Memorial/National WWI Museum:

I am glad to be home.  I had to end my day by trying a new photograph technique: Holga-ing images.  There is a group on Flickr all about it.  It’s kind of a retro kind of image: http://www.flickr.com/groups/gameon/discuss/72157616667551196/ .  I couldn’t think of anything I’ve shot today that would work well with this technique so I posed some of my Army of Darkness figures that I got for Christmas.

That’s all for now folks.  Time for some good drugs and some relaxation.  Tschus.

Posted in Politics, Health, General | 3 Comments »

12. April 2009 by Bex.

By the way, I finished a new cross stitch today.  It’s a Laugh My Ass Off bookmark!  It’s coming in handy since I have a bunch of new books to read.  Currently reading The Golden Compass and absolutely loving it.  It’s so original and descriptive.  As good as the Harry Potter series.

I hope to read the next two in the series after I finish this one.  Thank goodness for the public library.  Keeps the Amazon.com bills down!

Posted in Books, Hobbies | No Comments »

12. April 2009 by Bex.

Happy Easter.  Today we baked a ham with cranberry bourbon sauce, green bean casserole and biscuits.  We hung close to the house this weekend as I’ve managed to obtain a lovely cold virus.  Some of our Easter photos:

We have yet to torture the Peeps.  Hopefully if we do so, photographs/blog will follow.

Please note the new double chin and lack of makeup.

They are waiting for something to drop; my floor cleaners

Ron’s rockin’ the bourbon/cranberry sauce

Photos from work: Train Alley

Detail of the ceiling

Card catalog

My doctor called me in on Friday.  I was having so much bleeding that they wanted to do an ultrasound.  At first they thought it was a miscarriage but thankfully it is not.  I’m just a freak that doesn’t respond to the medication like others do.  Most women have suspended cycles and they are fine.  Not me!  I told the doc that I’m going to be the abnormal case study for everything.  I’m sure in time he will learn to take me seriously.  Yep.   Maybe now that I’m off some of the hormone medicines, I’ll drop the 5 lbs I gained overnight.  HOPE HOPE HOPE!

I did find a venue to hock my “wares” (aka photography) at a site called Imagekind.  http://ndbex.imagekind.com/  I don’t feel I’m up to par yet or close to the other artists on there, however I think I can get to a higher level.  Any constructive criticism is welcome.

Hope everyone had a good Easter or whatever you celebrate.  Tschus!

Posted in Infertility, Hobbies, Health, General | 3 Comments »

8. April 2009 by Bex.

Being on a lot of drugs is sort of like being in a crappy game show.  I’ve hit a Wammie with this concoction.  Danazol and prednisone are both types of hormones.  I’m (un)happily bloated, puffy and depressed.  The scale keeps creeping up and that is pissing me off.  And even though the danazol is supposed to thin out the uterine lining and decrease blood flow, I’ve ummm been entertaining Aunt Flo at our house for ten days now.  Bitch needs to leave.  Also the prednisone lowers your body’s ability to fight infections.  So what did I wake up to today?  A throbbing headache and sore throat.  I’ve consumed so much fluid today in an effort to flush things out but who knows if it will do any good anytime soon.  I have so much crap in my system, I can’t tell what side effects are from what drug anymore.  Luckily, half of this crap is temporary.

I did manage to get some of my house clean over the weekend and I went to the gym Sunday and last night.  I have not, however, trimmed my nose hairs.  I am sure you all want to know that information.  And we were invited to the KC Tax Day Tea Party at the Liberty Memorial.  We’ve agreed to go even though we aren’t normally public on our political feelings.  And we’re pretty middle of the road; not Left or Right.  I guess the Tax Day Tea Party is a protest about how the government keeps giving bailout money to private corporations.  It sounds very interesting and should make for a good photo opportunity.  Maybe I’m just hoping for some free food.  Here’s some info about it: KC Tax Day Tea Party.  (An aside: for some reason I keep typing “teat” instead of “tea.”)

 That’s my excitement for the day.  I leave you with a Wammie.  Tschus!

Posted in Politics, Television, Infertility, Health, General | No Comments »

4. April 2009 by Bex.

Things I could be doing now:

Working out at the gym

Going to see the civil war re-enactors at Shoal Creek

Trimming my nose hair

Making up 5 hours of work by doing data entry at home

Working on my book

Cleaning house

What I’m doing instead:  Sitting in my pajamas, seeing wtf is up with this Twitter thing, watching Ron play Mass Effect and drinking coffee.  Oh and I’m feeling guilty about not doing any of the above.  Especially the nose hair thing because it has reached the extreme tickle phase.

I created a Twitter account to see what the hype is about.  My Twitter is http://twitter.com/nodakbex, by the way.  I’m not too impressed.  I’m not sure what the point of it is.  So I go on here to update everyone on what I’m doing RIGHT NOW and then I read all about what everyone else is doing RIGHT NOW and that’s it?  The only thing I kinda like is that I can instantly put up a photo from my phone if I want to.  Well, as “instant” as I can get with a slow-ass Sprint connection from my weak phone.  I’ll give that a shot and if I’m still not impressed, I can delete the account.  I have to say Brent Spiner’s Twitter updates are amusing and odd.

Ok now that I see all this in writing, I’m somewhat motivated to eat breakfast and get to the gym.  Then maybe I can make myself take the camera up to Shoal Creek.  I should really try to get my ass out of the house more or my photographs will never be interesting.   Have a good day!

Posted in Twitter, Video Games, History, Hobbies, General | 3 Comments »