Eventuality (plus, gay cowboys!)

30. April 2009 by Bex.

Ahhh today feels like a normal KC day.  It rained a lot and now the sun is coming out.  That means HUMIDITY!  So it feels very moist in here.  Moist.  Almost sounds like a dirty word, doesn’t it?

I thought I was going to have a really easy time of this surgery but I was totally thrown for a loop.  The amount of bruising isn’t just on the surface but it feels really deep.  Any movement is really painful and it’s hard to get comfortable to sleep.  Last night I was awake, watching TV on the couch until 1:00 AM.  I just slept there rather than risking waking up Ron and the remaining two dogs in our room.  (Not to mention the two little dogs and my mother-in-law asleep in the guest room.)  There really isn’t jack or shit on that late at night.  I watched America’s Next Top Model on the dvr and then tried to watch Brokeback Mountain.  Hmm.

I only watched half of it but I have a few observations.  First, the way the cowboys talked, in a muffled, muttering sort of way, was so familiar.  I myself mutter and have to constantly repeat myself.  It doesn’t help, by the way, that I haven’t lost all my North Dakota accent.  So I was reminded a bit of home and some of my uncles by the way the characters talked.  Their emotional restraint was also familiar.  Second, if you are making a film about two gay cowboys who get it on in the mountains, why would you call it Brokeback Mountain?  Surely they could have chosen a different title.  Maybe Bobcat Mountain or Laramie Peak or anything else.  Cripes.  It’s like calling it Mount-Me Mountain, Cornhole Mountain or Cock-n-Balls Mountain.  That really irked me.  Third, no matter how good looking the actors, man-on-man love is just not attractive.  I’m sure any gay man reading this will disagree but I guess that’s my take on it.

Other than being in pain last night, I was unable to sleep due to some stressful thinking.  My oldest dog, Sadie, is showing signs of poor health.  She’s still eating and drinking, pooping, peeing, all that essential stuff.  However she can never get comfortable, especially at night.  I think it’s due to the huge tumors on her side and her chest and belly.  I’ve known about these tumors for a long time; the tumors are benign, fatty lumps.  They are growing into her abdomen, around her intestines and liver.  Sadie will yelp out of nowhere and we aren’t sure if it is her tumors starting to cause her discomfort.  We’ve been to the vet twice and they don’t know what is wrong.  I could put her through some expensive and stressful tests but I’m not sure I want to go there yet.  I cried about it last night because I don’t want her to be in pain.  If she is going to die soon, I want her to just slip away in her sleep rather than have to take her into a sterile, strange place to be euthanized.  Death is something eventual, we cannot avoid it.  I just pray she can go in peace and comfort at home, without pain.  I guess all we can do is keep an eye on her and try to recognize her comfort levels.

I was also up thinking about my physical health and job requirements.  Soon we will be moving 10,000 square feet of artifacts from one storage space to a better one.  It will be a tough move and I’m not sure how much will be physically demanded from me.  I’m worried I won’t be able to keep up due to the pain and exhaustion I experience.  It’s stressful.  I wonder if I need to find a different job or will they keep me on even though I’m totally useless sometimes?  I don’t want to ever be a burden to anyone, even at work.

I do have some good news though!  I got my genetic test back and I am negative for the gene mutations that cause breast and ovarian cancers.  Hooray!  That doesn’t mean I can’t get it someday but at least I don’t have to seriously consider ripping my ovaries out in the next few years.  (Although there are many days I would love to remove my reproductive organs.)

Finally, since the movie wasn’t holding my interest last night, I watched a raccoon traipsing through our yard.  It was pretty big.  I haven’t seen a lot of raccoons in my time so I was fascinated.  (Now I know what got into the garbage a couple nights ago.)  It seemed almost primate-like the way it was using it’s forepaws to comb through the grass.  I have no idea what it was eating but seeing it does explain the aggressive sniffing and peeing the dogs exhibit every morning.  Like Ron says, “they are cute until they are trying to rip your face off.”

Time to get some work done.  Tschus.

Posted in Animals, Dogs, Movies, Health | 2 Comments »