6. December 2009 by Bex.

I’m not sure if it is depression or plain laziness.  I haven’t  been blogging much lately.  Of course, that could also be because of the lack of excitement in my life.

Well ok that’s not entirely it.  We’ve decided to stop trying for a baby for a while.  My period isn’t getting any better, in fact it in some ways is worse.  The pain is still there, although managed by pain killers, but it’s lasting longer and is heavier.  We’ve tried for over a year and nothing.  Well we haven’t tried THAT hard…it hurts to try so much.  On a recent trip to the GYN, I was told some of the pain I experience seems to be related to autoimmune disorders.  Seriously?  So sex is painful and it’s just another by-product of other diseases?  Just kill me now.  She did say she didn’t know what the connection is, only that a lot of women who have similar pain also seem to have immunity issues.

I have also been on steroids for a long time and can’t keep going on that.  I need to go on some real RA drugs and those aren’t good for babies unless you want a super pharmaceutical mutant baby.

I don’t feel like a real woman.  I feel really dumb just TYPING that statement but it’s true.

I’m sure once my hormones even out that I will feel better about it.  Having a birthday coming up isn’t helping as the TICK TICK TICK sound just gets fucking louder.  Plus I’m having all these dreams lately about our children-seeing them, losing them, not being able to have them….they are so real.

It’s not meant to be right now.  In the meantime we’ll keep working towards our goal of getting a house and getting me healthier.  I have been in denial and I can’t live that way anymore.  It isn’t going to get better with nutrition, willpower, bare minimum medication, etc.  This is my life now.  Whether I want it or not, reality is setting in.  I just don’t want to be super medicated but hey, what’s one or two more drugs in my system?

All right, enough whining and bitching.  Life is hard, shit happens, etc. etc. etc.   I’ll get over it and venting is helpful.  Thanks for listening to my discombobulated bitch-fest.

Here are some crafty things I’ve been working on lately.  I’ve only completed one and a half so far because I’ve been too damn depressed to do anymore than that.  *sigh*  I’ll get them finished soon!

Posted in Fibromyalgia, Endometriosis, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Cross stitch, Infertility, Health | 4 Comments »

10. October 2009 by Bex.

Things are better.  Why you ask?  Well I got a new endocrinologist who agreed to ramp up my Synthroid a bit.  Yes, my levels appeared normal but I didn’t feel right.  Most docs at this point would argue it’s all in my head, it’s the RA, it’s the fibro, I’m crazy, etc.  This one actually agreed to let me try a higher dose.  And guess what?  I feel better!  More energy, less depressed.  What a concept-listening to the patient.  Gnarly.

We also had our first one-on-one meeting with a NACA representative.  Although she is an ardent animal hater, we were happy with our session.  If all goes well, Ron and I will be in our first home together in around 6 months.  No money down, no closing costs, fixed rate, low mortgage.  No shit.  I was so happy to hear that, I had to do another self-evaluation of my priorities.  Is it more important for me to find my dream job right now?  Or is getting a home and being settled more important?  Unfortunately I’m putting my career second, or third.  I want to be happy with my job everyday but uprooting again and moving to a different state is going to be so hard.  I’m just starting to feel better and don’t want to start over with doctors.  Therefore I decided to withdraw my applications for jobs out of state.  I’m really excited to be in my very first home!!

We’ve also got a lot to do this weekend.  It’s cold though so that might limit how much we do.  Today is another Zombie Walk which starts at 3:00 on the Plaza.  The high is only 49 degrees today so I’m unsure if I really want to run around outside.  Speaking of zombies, we also really want to see Zombieland this weekend.  Perhaps we’ll do that instead.  And tomorrow night we have tickets to see Lewis Black, one of Ron’s favorite comedians.  We’re pretty geeked about that!

Finally, here is my cross-stitch that I referred to in a previous post.  The recipient received it so I was able to make the photo public finally.  I kind of miss this piece.  It looked good sitting in our living room.

I did a piece yesterday for a Craftster challenge and I’ll have that posted by Monday.  I’m also working on a piece I patterned after an obscure 1898 calendar.  Hopefully that will be done soon.  I’ve got to stitch something together to trade with a woman at work who makes and fixes jewelry.  I’ve got some things for her to fix!

That is about all I can think of for now.  This is a busy month so I’m sure there will be more blog posts to come.  Tschus!

Posted in NACA, Craftster, Crafts, Needlework, Work, Cross stitch, Health | No Comments »

27. September 2009 by Bex.

We hit the jackpot this weekend at Game Co.  It’s like Game Stop only more vintage, and they pay a lot more for your games.  We got a nice credit with them and picked up several used games.  I was pretty geeked to find two Evil Dead games on XBox:

I haven’t played A Fistful of Boomstick yet but I did play Regeneration for over an hour today.  It is HILARIOUS.  Ted Raimi does the voice of your midget Deadite sidekick and Bruce does Ash’s voice, of course.  There are a lot of catchy one-liners and general hilarity.  The best part?  You can lock on your enemies and punt the Deadite to attack them.  I love it!    Since having an XBox is relatively new to me, I didn’t pay much attention to these games before.  I now have all the ED games but not all the games with Bruce’s voice.  Which is ok, as I’m not sure how much of a geek I want to allow myself to be.  Here is a link to the games: http://www.bruce-campbell.com/group.asp?grp=49

Crap, I just noticed this as well: http://www.bruce-campbell.com/pilot.asp?pg=action_figure It’s a BC action figure.  Crap….$60?  I may be a geek,  but I’m a cheap geek.  Damn.

The other thing I did this weekend was finish up a book called Shadow of the Wind.  It is one of the best novels I have read since The Historian.  The author, Carlos Ruiz Zafón, writes very descriptively.  The setting is 1940’s and 1950’s Barcelona, set in the aftermath of Spain’s civil war.  It’s a mystery and very well woven.  I’m sure I could have figured out some of the twists and turns if I had let myself think about it, but I really enjoy just letting a story take me along.  I can’t write a good review on it but you can find some great reviews on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Shadow-Wind-Carlos-Ruiz-Zafon/dp/1594200106  Apparently The Angel’s Game is a prequel that just came out in English only a year ago.  I’ll have to grab that up soon.

Long story short, read it.  I was dubious at first but I went from summer beach reading to this book.  You have to get your brain in the right mode to really let the story suck you in.   If you read it, let me know what you think!  I should really join a book club but am too damn lazy.

I also finished another cross stitch but will have to wait to unveil it until after I send it.  I made it for a swap for a photo group I participate in on Flickr called Phat Quarter.  After the recipient receives the piece, I’ll post photos of it.  It’s actually very lovely if I do say so myself!  I also finished an embroidery not long ago that is for a breast cancer awareness challenge on Craftster.  It’s another photograph-to-embroidery piece:

This photo has over 12,000 hit on Flickr, but that’s probably only because my boobs are partially showing.  I hate that pervs are looking at it but the photo has done some good.  I’ve had some people contact me to ask about the reconstructive part of mastectomies.  I personally feel better having talked to someone who has gone through this shit before me, no matter what it is.  So I keep the damn picture up for others to find, in case anyone else has questions.  The contest on Craftster starts in a couple weeks and I’m eager to sumbit this.

Rowdy is shrieking/whining for his supper so I better go.  Dogs do not like to wait for their supper!  Tschus!

Posted in Cross stitch, Needlework, Crafts, Craftster, Bruce Campbell, Photography, Video Games, Books, Flickr, Hobbies | 2 Comments »

11. September 2009 by Bex.

I have meant to blog, I really have.  I think I’ve been overwhelmed and lazy.  I also have hesitated in posting because I am aware an old internet stalker-type is back on my track.  I didn’t want to post because I’m sure he’s reading my stuff again (why, I don’t know) but fuck it.  I can’t stop being me just because of someone else’s actions.

Since my last post I’ve kep myself busy with various stitching projects.  I’ve had to order some supplies to finish framing but otherwise they are done:

I started another photograph-to-embroider piece and am busy with that.  I’m hoping to get it done before Breast Cancer Awareness Month starts up in October.  I’ve also got to clean up another pattern for a stitching swap I’m participating in.  I’m hoping it will turn out well!!  If anyone wants, I can start posting patterns.

The hell that is Cymbalta is almost over.  I haven’t had any in a couple of weeks and the only thing I notice now is that I’m a bit down in the dumps.  I think it was boosting serotonin as a means of blocking pain.  I don’t want to go on more drugs to get my natural serotonin to start producing itself again.  So I’m not sure what I should do about it right now.  For anyone reading this, just know there is hope to get off this shit, or anything else you are taking and want to be off of.  So the fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis are still a big part of my life.  I’m trying to figure out how to be active and get exercise without exacerbating the illnesses.  And the endometriosis still sucks.  Some days of the month I can hardly walk because it hurts so much.  I got more pain medication today and it was hard to sit in an office full of little babies and pregnant women.  It seems so easy for people to get knocked up.  I wonder why I can’t?  The doctor ordered a lab test so they are going to see what a bunch of hormone levels are up to right now.  I’m curious.

Also since my last post, Ron and I attended a home buyer’s workshop.   They are a non-profit group and claim they can help anyone get into a home.  We are a tough case!  Both of us carry student loan debt and credit card debt.  My health crap eats away at a lot of our funds.  Not to mention a recent $1000 car repair bill.  We just can’t seem to get ahead!  But we aren’t giving up and we have our first meeting next week with this group.  I found their presentation to be very interesting and it fired up the activist in me.  Damn the big lending companies!  Check out www.naca.com for more information.  They have locations all over the country.  If you go through their program, the big banks fulfill a federal law that says they need to loan so much a year to programs like this and you get a locked in low interest rate, no closing costs and no downpayment.  Not bad eh?  The catch is you have to go through a strict budget through their program to prove you can make your mortgage payments.

We’ve got lots going on this month which is good.  Good to be busy I guess.  We are going to help out an historic cemetery later in the month.  They need people to help weed and maintain headstones.  I’m also going to talk to someone about helping with their history book project.  And we have free tickets to the Twins/Royals game that night, which I’m really looking forward to.  I got to tour the Kaufman stadium but didn’t stay for a game.  We did see a minor league game not long ago, the T-Bones vs Joliet.  Again, free tickets!  I’m afraid that’s all anyone can afford these days.  If it isn’t free, we try not to do it anymore.

Here are some photos from the last few weeks.  Hopefully I can keep more on top of the blog from now on.

Posted in Cross stitch, NACA, Baseball, Crime, Cymbalta, History, Infertility, Health | No Comments »

17. August 2009 by Bex.

Here is my little recap for the last week or so:

Last week was hell as far as health goes but this is a new week!  I was a shit-load of pain from endo and arthritis last week but thankfully, these things aren’t an everyday problem for me.  Shit could always be worse!

Ma Burley came on Friday night and we chilled out together on Saturday and went to the Harrah’s casino Saturday night.  What a culture shock!  I did see plenty of casinos in Vegas but it just seemed different because it was here in KC.  I lost $50 in the slots which sucked and the drinks were $5, not free like Vegas.  Casinos are fun for a few hours but after that, I’ve had my fill.  It’s loud, reeks of smoke and there are people EVERYWHERE.  Not a great place for recluses like myself.  Her visit was too quick but it was really great to see her again.

My Etsy hasn’t sold anything yet however I think I have a few interested in “Ass, the other Vagina.”  I have a couple private requests also that I need to get started on.  I’m excited about that because it’s fun to make these but even more fun to know that people are going to put it in their homes soon.  As soon as payday gets here, I am off to the crafy store again to get supplies.  I’m geeked!

Speaking of stitchery, I finished my first photo-to-embroidery project.  Here is the result and a comparison of the original photo to the cloth and thread result:

I felt pretty good about the overall end-product.  This has been a complete learning experience for me and I see what I need to work on now.  I have ideas for the next embroidery project already!  I like the idea of taking my photography and doing something more with it.  My ultimate goal is to get a gallery show.  I think I’m on my way as *enter drumroll* I’m going to be featured in the near future on Stitchgasm.  ACK!!!!  This is exciting to me although most of you probably don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about.  See the following website: http://www.mrxstitch.com/  I am not sure what day it will be, but one of the people who works on this newsletter is a woman known as Beefrank.  She is a witty, creative genius and her work makes me laugh a lot!  You can see her work on Flickr by going to http://www.flickr.com/photos/beefranck/.  If you appreciate humor, talent and witicisms, please check out her stuff!  Also, subscribe to Mr. X Stitch via the site or Facebook.  (He is also megacool and a Brit!)  This stuff absolutely feeds me inspiration as well as making me laugh.  I can’t believe how creative people can be and it is freakin’ awesome to see so many talented people out there producing so much stuff.  Ok sorry, I got a little carried away!!

Add that to a confirmation email I received about enrollment in a free digital photography course and I’m about to implode!  Whoopee!

All right, enough of that crazy shit.  As always, I hope everyone is well.  Catch ya later, tschus!

Posted in Cross stitch, Embroidery, Needlework, Stitchgasm, Photography, Flickr, Hobbies, Family, Blogs, Health | No Comments »

5. August 2009 by Bex.

General brain befuddlement has prevented any new creativity as of late.  I did however crank out a couple of things about a week or so ago:

I have a set of Hitchcock stamps that I collected years ago that I want to frame.  That is what inspired the Hitchcock piece.  The Super Bitch came from a book of cutsey patterns I bought.  I also happened to find small frames at Wally World and this was an experimentation with small designs.  I’d really like to put it at my desk at work but don’t think it would be wise.

Lately I’ve been looking at embroidery and wanted to try it.  Again I’m lost as to what to stitch.  However I woke up last night with an idea and spent the day looking at the internet for tutorials on how to make the images in my brain come to the fabric.  There are a few photographs I’ve snapped over the years that I really like and I’ve decided to make embroidery patterns out of them.  Thankfully there are people out there in the crafty world who blog and make how-to videos for the internet.  Here is part of the pattern I put together:

I’m afraid that I might start filling up the spare room with projects so I put up an Etsy store finally in the hopes of getting rid of some of them.  You can find the store here:  www.ndbex.etsy.com.  So far I haven’t sold anything but there is still hope in me to get rid of some things.  I made them pretty cheap!

Double dosing with the new drug and the Cymbalta is still a hellacious experience.  I was laid up in front of my computer all day because of it.  I hope I can get this out of my system soon.  In order to get away from all the stress, Ron and I booked a cabin for the weekend down by Stockton Lake.  It’s only a couple hours away, we can take the dogs and we’ve been there before.  If we can afford it, we might rent a pontoon and spend Saturday morning tooling around the lake.  We badly need to get out of town and have some fun.  I’m so excited to go!

That’s my exciting life this week.  Tschus!!

Posted in Needlework, Etsy, Crafts, Embroidery, Cross stitch, Hobbies, Photography, Cymbalta, Health | No Comments »

18. July 2009 by Bex.

I survived another week of Hell at work.  The harassment has somewhat abated but things have turned into a pretty uncomfortable work environment.  I am trying to get a bunch of medical records together and that is  very time consuming.  I also saw a new doctor yesterday: a neurologist.  She was very nice and talked to me about how Fibromyalgia is a problem with the neuro-receptors in the brain.  The brain processes pain differently and the smallest bit of pain is amplified.  She told me to quit a couple drugs I’m on and try something new.  So here’s to hoping I don’t react negatively to it.  I’m so damn sensitive to chemicals so I’m sure I’ll have at least some side effects.

I’ve been keeping calm and distracted from work by doing more stitching.  It’s been a nice way to keep my sense of humor alive.  Here are my two latest:

I’m going to finally cave and set up an Etsy shop.  More on that later.

I better get going.  We are going to have lunch at the Cinema Suites and watch Transformers 2.  Maybe next weekend we’ll get some tickets to Harry Potter.  I’m so geeked!

I leave you with a photo my friend Summer sent me the other day.  It sums up my feelings from the past two weeks PERFECTLY:

Have a good Saturday!

Posted in Bruce Campbell, Cross stitch, Work, Movies, Hobbies, Health | No Comments »

6. July 2009 by Bex.

I saw my doc last week.  She is very sympathetic and wants to help me get off this medication.  She bumped me down to 20 mg and wants me to take it everyday for a week, then every other day, then every third, day, etc.  I hope this works.  Taking it everyday is the suck.  It’s hard to get back on it everyday; I don’t sleep, feel jacked up.  I am not a lot of fun to be around lately and have been keeping close to home for the most part.  It’s hard enough functioning at work let alone socializing.  Hopefully this will get better soon!

With that being said, we really didn’t do anything this weekend.  We went out to the park with the dogs and went out for ice cream.  It rained a lot and when it wasn’t rainy, it was steamy/humid/nasty.  But hey, time off is time off.  I’ll take what I can get!

I’m also working on a new cross stitch.  It’s a good way to keep my brain focused and my thoughts off of how I feel.  It’s not done yet but here is what I have so far:

I started stitching Tom Servo last night.  I’ll post a photo after it’s complete.

Hope everyone had a safe and happy 4th!

Posted in Cross stitch, Cymbalta, Dogs, Hobbies, Health | 2 Comments »