11. September 2009 by Bex.

I have meant to blog, I really have.  I think I’ve been overwhelmed and lazy.  I also have hesitated in posting because I am aware an old internet stalker-type is back on my track.  I didn’t want to post because I’m sure he’s reading my stuff again (why, I don’t know) but fuck it.  I can’t stop being me just because of someone else’s actions.

Since my last post I’ve kep myself busy with various stitching projects.  I’ve had to order some supplies to finish framing but otherwise they are done:

I started another photograph-to-embroider piece and am busy with that.  I’m hoping to get it done before Breast Cancer Awareness Month starts up in October.  I’ve also got to clean up another pattern for a stitching swap I’m participating in.  I’m hoping it will turn out well!!  If anyone wants, I can start posting patterns.

The hell that is Cymbalta is almost over.  I haven’t had any in a couple of weeks and the only thing I notice now is that I’m a bit down in the dumps.  I think it was boosting serotonin as a means of blocking pain.  I don’t want to go on more drugs to get my natural serotonin to start producing itself again.  So I’m not sure what I should do about it right now.  For anyone reading this, just know there is hope to get off this shit, or anything else you are taking and want to be off of.  So the fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis are still a big part of my life.  I’m trying to figure out how to be active and get exercise without exacerbating the illnesses.  And the endometriosis still sucks.  Some days of the month I can hardly walk because it hurts so much.  I got more pain medication today and it was hard to sit in an office full of little babies and pregnant women.  It seems so easy for people to get knocked up.  I wonder why I can’t?  The doctor ordered a lab test so they are going to see what a bunch of hormone levels are up to right now.  I’m curious.

Also since my last post, Ron and I attended a home buyer’s workshop.   They are a non-profit group and claim they can help anyone get into a home.  We are a tough case!  Both of us carry student loan debt and credit card debt.  My health crap eats away at a lot of our funds.  Not to mention a recent $1000 car repair bill.  We just can’t seem to get ahead!  But we aren’t giving up and we have our first meeting next week with this group.  I found their presentation to be very interesting and it fired up the activist in me.  Damn the big lending companies!  Check out www.naca.com for more information.  They have locations all over the country.  If you go through their program, the big banks fulfill a federal law that says they need to loan so much a year to programs like this and you get a locked in low interest rate, no closing costs and no downpayment.  Not bad eh?  The catch is you have to go through a strict budget through their program to prove you can make your mortgage payments.

We’ve got lots going on this month which is good.  Good to be busy I guess.  We are going to help out an historic cemetery later in the month.  They need people to help weed and maintain headstones.  I’m also going to talk to someone about helping with their history book project.  And we have free tickets to the Twins/Royals game that night, which I’m really looking forward to.  I got to tour the Kaufman stadium but didn’t stay for a game.  We did see a minor league game not long ago, the T-Bones vs Joliet.  Again, free tickets!  I’m afraid that’s all anyone can afford these days.  If it isn’t free, we try not to do it anymore.

Here are some photos from the last few weeks.  Hopefully I can keep more on top of the blog from now on.

Posted in Cross stitch, NACA, Baseball, Crime, Cymbalta, History, Infertility, Health | No Comments »

12. August 2009 by Bex.

Yay, another prescription for a controlled substance.  Hopefully I won’t need it long; just until I can wean off the Cymbalta fully.  God, I hope this works.  I’m tired of feeling like my brain is going through a meat grinder.  So that makes it three controlled substances I’m on.  Wow.  And yet I somehow manage to still get to work most days of the week.  That’s a little fucked up, isn’t it?

Speaking of meat, I am off red meat now, including pork.  And for some reason I can only seem to eat fish when it is raw.  Fresh sushi doesn’t taste like the bottom of a cesspool.  Yet cooked fish does.  Wtf?  It just grosses me out.  Plus it feels like my tastes have changed lately.  No, not pregnant…trust me.  I did read, however, that changing one’s diet can help with certain health issues I have.  So getting rid of red meat might help.  I also need to get rid of alcohol, carbonated beverages, fatty foods and anything else you can think of that is good tasting and bad for you.  Damnit.  I’m working on it though.  Doesn’t help that I do this with the scary Estrogen Monster looming over me.

By the way, I googled “Estrogen Monster” and came up with this image:

That made me giggle a lot.  Ha!  There’s nothing like a pissed off Muppet.

That takes me to another image I saw years ago and this also is a good one:

However I’ve never seen this one before:

Ok one more…just because I like it:

What else….Rowdy gave us a little scare.  We went to the lake and did our cabin thing for a night.  We came home early because we all felt like shit: back ache, sunburn, tired and sore.  Rowdy had too much activity and we thought he was a goner.  Thankfully he is on some good drugs (more addicts in the family!) and will be ok.  He’s just an old dog and can only take so much.  It didn’t help that last weekend was hellishly hot and humid.  Here are some lake shots:

The boat we rented was a little fishing boat which was fine until we came back against the tide.  Every ripple we hit was like hitting a cement curb.  We all got jarred quite a bit.  But it was cheap and fun.  The water felt great and didn’t stink of algae like I remember Patterson Lake smelling.

It was good to get away and even better to come back to our own creature comforts, like a pillow top mattress.  I wish I had the fortune of some of those other people we saw over the weekend who were hauling swanky RVs and big-ass boats.  But we had a nice time anyway, even as short as it was.  I’m having a hard time getting into work this week but before I know it, the week will be over.  Thank God.

I think my mind has strayed enough for the time being.  Everyone is pretty silent these days…are you all on vacation?  Bored of the blog?  Sick?  Busy?  In a coma and having an out-of-body experience?  Hehee, whatever it is, I hope you are all well.  I hope to have better blogs in the near future.  It’s just so damn hard to concentrate these days!

Tschus.

Posted in Cymbalta, Animals, Dogs | No Comments »

5. August 2009 by Bex.

General brain befuddlement has prevented any new creativity as of late.  I did however crank out a couple of things about a week or so ago:

I have a set of Hitchcock stamps that I collected years ago that I want to frame.  That is what inspired the Hitchcock piece.  The Super Bitch came from a book of cutsey patterns I bought.  I also happened to find small frames at Wally World and this was an experimentation with small designs.  I’d really like to put it at my desk at work but don’t think it would be wise.

Lately I’ve been looking at embroidery and wanted to try it.  Again I’m lost as to what to stitch.  However I woke up last night with an idea and spent the day looking at the internet for tutorials on how to make the images in my brain come to the fabric.  There are a few photographs I’ve snapped over the years that I really like and I’ve decided to make embroidery patterns out of them.  Thankfully there are people out there in the crafty world who blog and make how-to videos for the internet.  Here is part of the pattern I put together:

I’m afraid that I might start filling up the spare room with projects so I put up an Etsy store finally in the hopes of getting rid of some of them.  You can find the store here:  www.ndbex.etsy.com.  So far I haven’t sold anything but there is still hope in me to get rid of some things.  I made them pretty cheap!

Double dosing with the new drug and the Cymbalta is still a hellacious experience.  I was laid up in front of my computer all day because of it.  I hope I can get this out of my system soon.  In order to get away from all the stress, Ron and I booked a cabin for the weekend down by Stockton Lake.  It’s only a couple hours away, we can take the dogs and we’ve been there before.  If we can afford it, we might rent a pontoon and spend Saturday morning tooling around the lake.  We badly need to get out of town and have some fun.  I’m so excited to go!

That’s my exciting life this week.  Tschus!!

Posted in Needlework, Etsy, Crafts, Embroidery, Cross stitch, Hobbies, Photography, Cymbalta, Health | No Comments »

30. July 2009 by Bex.

It’s been about six months now since I started trying to get off Cymbalta.  Since then my Fibro has become worse.  I’ve had to start a new drug through a neurologist, I just started physical therapy, and I’ve had to ask for FMLA leave and ADA accommodations.  I can’t talk about things at work because I will likely be fired.  I don’t want that!  Maybe when it is all over, I can fill you all in.

My brain is pretty fuzzy lately.  I can’t seem to remember things on the short term and I have a hard time concentrating.  Video games are near impossible right now.  I have to take the Cymbalta every three to four days, at the same time I take my normal drug cocktail.  That doesn’t feel very good….racing heart, nausea, sweating.  It only lasts a few hours but it’s not pretty.  Until I can get off this horrible drug, I’ll have to put up with it.

That’s about all for my update right now.  Like I said above, I just can’t concentrate!

Posted in Cymbalta, Work, Health | No Comments »

6. July 2009 by Bex.

I saw my doc last week.  She is very sympathetic and wants to help me get off this medication.  She bumped me down to 20 mg and wants me to take it everyday for a week, then every other day, then every third, day, etc.  I hope this works.  Taking it everyday is the suck.  It’s hard to get back on it everyday; I don’t sleep, feel jacked up.  I am not a lot of fun to be around lately and have been keeping close to home for the most part.  It’s hard enough functioning at work let alone socializing.  Hopefully this will get better soon!

With that being said, we really didn’t do anything this weekend.  We went out to the park with the dogs and went out for ice cream.  It rained a lot and when it wasn’t rainy, it was steamy/humid/nasty.  But hey, time off is time off.  I’ll take what I can get!

I’m also working on a new cross stitch.  It’s a good way to keep my brain focused and my thoughts off of how I feel.  It’s not done yet but here is what I have so far:

I started stitching Tom Servo last night.  I’ll post a photo after it’s complete.

Hope everyone had a safe and happy 4th!

Posted in Cross stitch, Cymbalta, Dogs, Hobbies, Health | 2 Comments »

27. June 2009 by Bex.

I spent most of yesterday feeling like hell but I made it through the work day.  I talked to a nurse at the rheumatologist’s office and she told me they have no idea how to get me off Cymbalta if the taper dose I’m on isn’t working.  Go back to the general physician or detox through a psychiatrist.  Wow.  Talk about passing the buck.  I’m a fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis patient and even though she didn’t initially prescribe this to me, I thought she would at least try to help.  The problem with going back to the GP is that I’ve had to educate her on this drug.  My last hope before going to a head doctor is to see if a nuerologist will see me.  I’m so angry that doctors put people on this shit with no idea about side effects and withdrawal symptoms, especially since this was supposed to be a temporary treatment.  I was so mad about this, I actually called a couple law offices.  That got me absolutely no where though.

I needed to unwind last night so I could relax.  Ron and I turned on the Wii and played a little Legend of Zelda.  That was my first game ever on the NES.  I loved that game.  The damn thing scrambled on me before I could get the last piece of the Tri-force.  I was so pissed!  What else is a little emo kid to do?  I figured I should try to beat the game finally.

I can’t believe how much I remember!  I remember where most of the underworlds are and how to find the secret rooms.  We played until we made it through four or five levels.  Maybe Ron and I are just easily amused but it was fun!  Hell, I’m just happy when I can successfully blow off a bad day.

I guess we better get off our lazy butts and run some errands.  Woooooooo….have a good weekend!

Posted in Cymbalta, Video Games, Health | 2 Comments »

25. June 2009 by Bex.

I’m not even sure how long I’ve been trying to get off Cymbalta but it feels like forever.  After missing yet another day of work, I called my rheumatologist.  However she’s out of the office so I have to wait, but I’m hoping she has some good advice for me.  The withdrawal symptoms are hell.  The nurse I talked to said she hears from a lot of people that this drug is hard to come off of.  All the research I’ve done on the internet about coming off this drug and there are fucking support groups for people to get off Cymbalta.  I feel like such an idiot for not finding this out before I took the drug.  Look!  There are even books written on how to get off this drug:

Here are some of the symptoms I’m experiencing that I found on a website:

Dysarthria – The inability to control the mouth muscles when forming words so the words are not clearly spoken and heard.

Insomnia – Not able to fall asleep or sleeping for a shorter time than desired, thus not being able to properly rest and feeling un-refreshed.  As a result, a person can become irritable, have difficulty concentrating and feel a lack of energy.  This can be caused by stimulants such as by caffeine or drugs or by mental anxiety and stress.  Mental stress can be communicated and relieved.

Mood Swings – An emotional shifting as from a state of happiness to a state of depression for a period of time.

Night Sweats – The water-salt, waste product the skin releases is called sweat or perspiration.   With night sweats you become wide awake in the middle of the night shivering and cold and wet with your sheets/pajamas soaked in perspiration making it difficult to go back to sleep.

I am so mad about this whole situation.  I hate drug companies, I think they are worse than politicians because they are entrusted with people’s health yet they push their shit on doctors and patients without disclosing side effects, etc.  This crap is wreaking my life right now and I hate it.  I feel pretty hopeless and depressed right now and since life is pretty good, I can only imagine it’s this damned drug.  I’m also irritable as all hell.  I’m a barrel of fun!!!

Would a methodone clinic help?  I’m only half kidding.

Posted in Cymbalta, Health | No Comments »