25. January 2010 by Bex.

Last week was a little nuts.  I was able to go to Independence and see the old court house where Truman got his start.  They are in the process of fixing it up and it’s not open all the time for the general public.  The old downtown of Independence is really cute; it’s nothing like the outskirts which are just nasty and scary.

I also did my therapy pool workout again on Wednesday and pushed myself a little to go faster and longer.  Unfortunately when I was done I could hardly walk and the next day was laid up on the couch.  I felt like I had the flu and my knees and ankles ached.  So much for the new biologic I’m taking.  Maybe it hasn’t kicked in yet, who knows.

I also went to a local community college and talked to a career counselor.  I don’t think they get too many master’s degree holders coming in to inquire about an associates degree.  I figure I have all of my general classes done and would just need to take the core classes for an associates in criminal justice.  This, aside from animal care, is the only other career path I’m interested in but I can’t be a cop.  I would be interested in working the records department or chain of evidence department.  However I have no criminal justice background so I’m wondering if this will open some doors for me.  And I hope to not have to get another bachelors because a 4 year school is expensive as  hell.  Community colleges are much cheaper.  Johnson County Community College is pretty spiffy for a community college.  Unfortunately the clientele are a bit rough.  I got stuck going the wrong direction in the parking garage and instead of just rolling her eyes at me and giving me room to turn around, this 20-something emo chick rolled down her window and screamed at me.  So what did I do?  I screamed back at her.  Honey, I’m too damn old to be intimidated by you if you are going to show a lack of class and patience.  Suck it.

My next step is to talk to the chair of the department and see what her opinion is.  Jobs aren’t great in this area but nationwide they are good.  I have a feeling once this recession lifts a bit more, counties and cities will get back to full staff.  Plus federal jobs are out there too and I would dig doing something with Homeland Security or INS.  Ya never know.  I just know I will never move up in responsibilities or pay where I am now and that’s probably true for similar jobs elsewhere in the nation.  I want more flexibility in where I can work.

Saturday we planned on going bowling for something different to do but the damn lanes were packed.  So we drove to a pool hall and played a couple of hours.  Apparently the guy playing our table before us was Dave Pearson, some famous speed shooter.  I wouldn’t know a famous pool player from a hole in a wall but there ya go.  Unfortunately the more cheap beer we had, the worse my playing ability.  But since we greatly curtailed alcohol purchases, I am now a light weight.   Cheap date!  I think Ron and I have been kinda waiting around, hoping to get our schedules to work with other couples to hang out with.  But that never seems to come together so we decided just to go on our own.  We had a good time and it was nice to get out of the house.

That’s all the news that’s fit to print for now.  Since I didn’t take any interesting photographs this week, I’ll leave you with crappy tattoos from the friendly world wide web.  Tschus.

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3. January 2010 by Bex.

Rowdy seems ok today.  He still won’t eat much and I’m not sure if he’s pooping either.  A healthy dump is a sign of good things so that’s what I’m looking for.  At this point we’d be fine even if he did it in the house.  I’ll talk to the vet tomorrow and see if we need to come in for an exam.  Hopefully he will be ok.  I hate crying and feel like I’ve done enough lately.  Crying really doesn’t help a sinus infection either.

We spent a good deal of last night cooking and drinking and playing Beatles Rock Band.  Thankfully Ron doesn’t mind my attempt at singing.  He’s good at the guitar part and I can at least hit most of the pitches so it was fun.  I grew up on The Beatles but I just never realized how fucked up the lyrics got towards the late ’60’s.  You don’t really appreciate how drugged up they were until you try to sing the lyrics.  Fun stuff.

The graphics are good too because there is a lot of detail given to their instruments.  They also really nailed the various looks that the band went through over the years.

Video games are a great distraction as well as a nice stress relief.  Unless you are playing Mario on the Wii.  We still can’t get past that last castle.  Fucking Bowser.  I can’t imagine trying to play with more then two people at once.

So it’s a new year and for some reason people are sometimes compelled to make resolutions or reevaluate life.  I’m not so silly as to think just because we started this year off with a canine crisis that my whole year is destined to be shitty.  Quite honestly last year was really hard and not that great overall, but we got through it without taking things out on each other.  Ron’s been absolutely supportive and wonderful through all the ups and downs.  No matter how shitty it all gets, he is always the one constant and happy thing in my life.

I have come to some conclusions though; some lessons learned.  I’m going to stop trying to explain to people what the hell is wrong with me and why I can’t do everything they ask of me.  I can’t make someone understand and I’m no longer going to try.  I just don’t give a crap anymore what they think or don’t understand.  It’s too much energy.  This blog is my main vent and it’s free so I’ll just put it all here.  Lucky you!!!!  (I do promise, however, that not all blogs will be a bitch-fest.  There is more to life out there, somewhere.)

I’ve also concluded that I can’t sit and feel sorry for myself unless I know I’ve tried everything to help myself.  So I’ve looked into my conditions a bit more and most people agree that dietary changes can help with some symptoms.  I can add more veggies and fruit and organic animal products to my life.  But I’ll have to limit fun things like fried foods, sweets and alcohol.  Boo, hiss.  Meh.  I’m going to stay out of smokey places as much as possible as well.  I’m also going back to swimming and water therapy because if I do it 2-3 times a week, I’m going to at least have some physical stress relief.  It’s finding that balance between doing too much and too little that is so damn tricky.  Plus, there is a hot tub there I can use.  You just don’t know what fun is until you’ve sat in a hot tub with a bunch of old people at the community center.  Hawt.   Me and my tattoos… and lots of old people.  Just picture that in your mind for a second…  And when I’ve figured out the pattern to follow for that, I’ll try yoga.  Why not?  If it was horrible for you, would it be so popular?  Don’t answer that.  The thought of colonics just popped in my mind.  (Seriously people, you don’t have years worth of shit built up in your guts.  You just don’t.)  And finally, I need to rid myself of one of my stressors and that is my job.  I love what I do but, well I can’t get into it much here.  Something in my career life needs to change for the better.

I leave you with an image I found doing one of my Google image searches.  It just makes me giggle….a lot.   Enjoy.

Tschus.

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24. September 2009 by Bex.

Career stress is upon us.  It’s hard to move up in this career field when there aren’t job openings in the area.  To move or not to move? I like KC a lot!  However I’m not sure I can physically handle the stress here anymore.

I’ve put out some lines and had a couple bites.  So it may be in our future to move out of state.  I’m pretty nervous about this but I can’t get a head of myself.  It’s quite possible I won’t get anything.

This is tough because I can’t blog in detail without risking my current situation but I do feel the need to just vent.  So I guess I have to write this slightly cryptic, crappy blog post to hit somewhere in the middle.

Ah hell, we’ll see what goes down in the next couple of weeks.  I’ll try not to be such the control freak/worry wort that I am!

Posted in Work, Health, General | No Comments »

10. July 2009 by Bex.

Wow, what a week!  Soon, soon my dear friends, I’ll be able to blog fully about this.  You will shit your pants when I tell you what’s going on.  All I can say is don’t ever get chronically sick; and, don’t EVER assume that anyone else will look after your legal rights.

When someone tells you to “calm down” when you already are calm, and are simply inquiring about details to a situation or your right regarding such situation, be suspicious.

When someone puts emotion into your inquiries regarding a situation, having documentation for your files about it, or asking for any clarification, be suspicious.  (i.e., insinuation that you are upset or anxious simply because you are addressing an issue.)

Get everything in writing.  No matter how wonderful the person is that you are dealing with.

People are afraid of those with education and tenacity.

Never let legal fees scare you away from consulting an attorney.

Research, research, research.  The best defense is information.

God help me, but I feel like I have a sign now to take action in my life.  I need to make changes in order to be happy and healthy.  I want to be able to do my absolute best and to be recognized for that effort.  I’m tired of competitiveness over basic issues.  I’m tired of having my voice silenced.  I’m tired of my enthusiasm being suppressed.  God bless America.  The only place where you have a litany of laws to back you up when you really need it.

Oddly enough I have this song running through my brain:

Now I’m gonna tell ya a story
A tale of wrong and Right
and freedom is the reason
You can’t take it without a fight

So now I’m startin’ up a posse
(Suck my dick, suck my dick)
To come and look for you
We’re gonna put a stop
To what you want to do
You fucking whores (You fuckin’ whores)
That’s all you are

You say our records are offensive
(You’re a douche, You’re a douche)
Our messages ain’t right
You say “We’re gonna label records
So our kids can grow up right”
You fucking whores (Let them decide)
That’s all you are

shit, fuck, satan, death, sex drugs, rape
These seven words you’re trying to take
shit, fuck, Satan, death, sex, drugs, rape
Right or wrong it’s our choice to make
America the beautiful, Land of the free
Don’t change the words to land of Hypocrisy

Now I’m startin’ up a posse (Fascist scum, fascist scum)
And we’ll damn sure make you see
Something that offends you
May not be offensive to me
You f*cking whores (You fuckin’ whores)
That’s all you are

Now you might take offense
To a word like “fuck” or “shit” (Dick!)
But you fuckin’ don’t have the right (Cunt!)
To discriminate me for saying it!
You fuckin’ whores (You fuckin’ whores)
That’s all you are (Go suck a dick, huh)

So now I’m startin’ up a posse (Motherfucker, motherfucker)
To fight for freedom of choice
To fight for freedom of speech
We’re gonna make you hear our voice

And now I don’t do this to shock you
(That’s the end, that’s the end)
I don’t do this for spite
You’ve got the choice, don’t buy it, don’t read it,
And don’t say your opinion’s right
You f*cking whores (You fuckin’ whores)
That’s all you are (Cunty, cunty, cunty, cunt)

You know you can’t censor my feelings
You can’t censor my thoughts
Censorship’s against
Everything America stands for
You fuckin’ whores (Let us decide)
That’s all you are (And this ain’t sexist, either)

God bless America.

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8. June 2009 by Bex.

I swear, the more I try to assert myself as a professional, the more resistance I get.  I kind of feel like the TP to wipe up after the pee-ons.  I don’t think that those in control of this aspect of my life are doing it because they know my background and truly believe me to be incompetent.  I think it’s being done because of outside personal influences.  Sorry to be so amiguous but I don’t want to get too detailed.  Basically I have a passion at work, I try to implement my passion at my work and I feel I do a good job of it, and someone thinks (without merit) that I suck at it.  So this person squashes anything and everything I do in relation to it.

One thing I’ve learned by having chronic illnesses is that you have to choose your battles.  Stress is the ultimate enemy.  It makes everything worse; magnifies pain, heightens emotions, saps energy.  In other words, fuck it.  This isn’t worth it.

All I really want to do is take photographs and be a mom.  Those things matter more than work drama.

Frozen pizza awaits!  Ahhh it’s the little shit that makes me happy.

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6. June 2009 by Bex.

It turns out that attending a Zombie Walk was extremely therapeutic.  I needed a good laugh and I also needed to force myself out of my comfort zone.

I posted on the Kansas City group on Flickr about this and met up with a few of the wonderful people who frequent that group.  By watching them, I felt more comfortable to walk up to strangers and take their photos.  I have a really hard time doing that.  I also knew a couple of the zombies, who were absolutely hilarious.  There were zombies of all kinds: Santa Claus, nurses, Shaun of the Dead replete with cricket bat, a Smoker and Hunter from Left 4 Dead and even a guy with an Evil Dead lunch box.  A man after my own heart….err, brain.

The best part of the whole walk was that not only did we walk through the First Fridays fancy art crowd, but we also hit a Gay Pride street party.  Zombies + gays + techno music + snobs = a freakin’ blast.  A very kick ass street DJ kicked some Thriller for us as we went past.  There were cheers, laughter, sneers, looks of disgust and a few shrieks from the crowd.  If you ever have a chance to watch or participate in something like this, I highly recommend it.

Since I over think everything and tend to live inside my Emo brain, I learned something from this whole event.  I’ve been sitting around my house, waiting for people to want to hang out with me, wanting to do something different.  I got tired of waiting for last minute invitations.  I was so geeked yesterday because of the Imagekind thing and I was surprised that the people I really counted on as friends, couldn’t have cared less.  I guess it’s a schadenfreunde situation; when something goes really well for me, I can’t find many people to celebrate with.  Maybe when my health is bad and I’m miserable, I make people feel better about themselves.  Hahahaaa, anyways.  It’s my fault for not being more outgoing and trying to branch out with people of similar interests.  I can’t change people into the friends I’m looking for.  That would be….stupid!

Here are some photos from the night.  For more, see www.flickr.com/photos/ndbex.  The first one is of the KC mayor, who just faced a recount petition.  He and his wife are not very well liked in the city with some people although I think he’s a pretty good mayor.  He and the City Council just need to quit bickering like children and get onto real business.  GO FUNKHOUSER!   Have a good weekend everyone!  I’m off to a cookout.  Tschus!

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24. May 2009 by Bex.

Whenever I’m out driving around, I have all these potential blog posts running through my brain.  But by the time I find myself back in front of a computer, I’ve forgotten everything.  Now my brain is mush, yet here I sit, trying to squeak out something interesting.

Despite attempts at living a normal, healthy life, we’ve been hit with a couple fun ailments.  I spent a week pissing blood and the next week Ron threw his back out completely.  Since it happened at work, he’s home and doing the workman’s comp thing.  He has an MRI scheduled this week and hopefully they can figure out how to help him.  He’s in an incredible amount of pain.  We’re only in our early 30’s and we haven’t even had kids yet.  But we’re both walking around like old people.  This does not bode well.  Maybe they can outfit a stroller to also be a walker?  Seriously, I think another year of working on my health and having time to spend with Ron by myself is a good thing.  I still think we’ll have to adopt and maybe that is a good thing to start working on next year.

Work has been filled lately with helping researchers, fighting with the IT department to fix computer issues so I can scan images and assessing the condition of wax phonographs from the late 1890’s.  One of the things I love about my job is the variety of work I do.  I can sit at a computer all day and the next day find myself pulling old mattresses out of a really old train car.

The big hoopla at work lately has been the opening of The Chronicles of Narnia exhibit.  www.unionistation.org  It has a lot of props and costumes from the Narnia movies and it also talks about global climate issues and environmentalism.  They tied that theme into it based on the White Witch’s attempts to basically create an ice age on earth.  The sets are really rich and interesting and it’s cool to see objects and costumes.  The interactives are interesting as well.  I didn’t take any photos of the inside of the exhibit but I took this picture of a Giant outside the ticketing office:

Our department didn’t help set this exhibit up.  Because this is a private company’s exhibit and because the objects are mostly props, they didn’t need museum professionals to do the installation.  I’ve worked with this company before to install an exhibit and it’s very different from working with a museum exhibit.  No white gloves on this one. 

So there you have it! That’s my update, for now. I have other things I want to blog about but Roxanne is here for the last time until the end of summer. Hope everyone is having a groovy holiday!Tschus!

Posted in Work, Museum Exhibits, Health, General | 2 Comments »

11. May 2009 by Bex.

Our weekend went pretty well.  Ron and I came to the conclusion that we weren’t getting out and doing anything fun anymore.  In an effort to save money, and due to laziness, we’ve been staying home most weekends.  But we’ve grown lethargic, cranky and bored.  My health problems have compounded the issue and we quit communicating.  I have to say that when a spouse has a chronic illness, the marriage is really affected.  It’s stressful on both people and it just wears everyone out.  Also the outside pressure we, or I, feel to have a baby is getting to be too much.  If it’s going to happen, it will.  I am so tired of hearing about it.  Anyways, we were able to recognize the issues and talk about it.

So in an effort to get out and have a good time together, we went to Fork & a Screen at the AMC Theatre.  Basically you can watch a movie, have a beer and have table side food service.  We saw Star Trek and it was awesome.  I was really worried that the movie would suck, as a lot of prequels do.  However the plot was interesting and the actors were spot on with their characters.  I was really surprised how well Zachary Quinto did as Spock.   Simon Pegg was a great Scottie too.  I recommend the movie even if you aren’t sci fi geeks like we are.  Here’s one of the trailers.  Have a good Monday!

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22. April 2009 by Bex.

It’s become bright and sunny here in the KC area.  It’s also very warm…almost hot.  I’m sure it will be 40 degrees in a few days, as this is a place of extremes.  I’m blogging from our back porch right now.  Surgery is in two days and I have to shamefully admit that I’m freaking the fuck out.  If you don’t know, I’m having my uterine septum bisected.  Google “Mullerian anomalies” if  you are curious.  I suppose just about anyone can appreciate a person’s fear of having sharp instruments inside or around his/her genitalia.  I’m sure I’ll be fine but I’m dreading the catheter and inability to piss on my own post-operation.

I was reading an NRA magazine today.  Yes, I do belong to the NRA because I believe in keeping the right to bear arms.  Some of what I read, I think “right on!”  “Yeah, damn Democrats, trying to take away semi-autos, wtf?!”  However, I can’t help but think about all the nut cases that have shot up college campuses and an immigration office.  If guns were illegal, would these people have purchased their firearms illegally and committed their crimes regardless?  Would they have gone mad while driving instead, and plowed their cars into a crowd of people?  If guns were unavailable, wouldn’t crimes still occur?  Not to mention the deer population exploding more than it has in recent years.  Chronic wasting disease again.  Because let’s face it.  Many rifles are semi-automatic.  I guess I feel that if I want to own a gun, or have an abortion, or marry a chick, I should be able to do so.  Mucking with the constitution and other laws to prevent the above is something I’m very against.  Now that doesn’t mean I think anyone should be able to walk down to their nearest Bullet Hole gun store and purchase a fully automatic weapon.  That’s not a defensive weapon or a hunting weapon.  That’s just a means of killing and maiming as many people as possible.  I don’t have all the answers to this big debate but I know what my inclinations are.  That’s about it.

Two things of note from this NRA magazine I’m reading which is called America’s 1st Freedom.  First is an article announcing the big speakers for the annual NRA banquet and forum: Lt. Colonel Oliver North and John Stossel.  What a pairing!!  Now that I think about it, John Stossel is a pretty plain spoken, no-nonsense kind of guy.  I don’t watch him very often but when I have, I’ve liked what he has to say.  I’m sure it will be interesting to those attending.  The other thing I’m noticing on this same page (page 26 if you are really wanting to see for yourself) is an advertisement for a collector’s edition of a custom AR-15 issued in honor of Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska.  HA!  “Called the Alaskan Hunter, the all-white AR made by Templar Consulting is chambered in .50 Beowulf, and includes 50 rounds of custom solids, a custom sling and Starlight case.”  Unfortunately I can’t find an image of this ummm interesting item at the company’s website (www.templarconsultingllc.com) nor could I find anything by doing a Google image search.  I did find some amusing and slightly disturbing images:

Like I said, I’m a gun owner and all for the right to bear arms but Palin’s custom AR-15?  Does it come with a helicopter mount?

My last word on gun ownership, I promise.  About a month ago I was home alone during the middle of the day.  Because Patton had hosed down the basement in urine (another lovely story I won’t share) I left the sliding glass door open to air things out.  I was all the way upstairs, without my cell phone, when I heard a door slam in the basement.  I figured it was just the wind blowing the laundry room door around even though I KNEW the door was already closed.  There was a moment of “fuck I’m alone, changing in the bedroom without a cell phone and what the hell was that???”  I loaded up Alfonso, the .357 I bought a year or so ago and took him throughout the house.  Don’t worry.  He wasn’t cocked and my finger was certainly NOT on the trigger.  I didn’t find anything and I have never left that door open since.  Thankfully it was nothing but I’m really glad I have that gun here.  A couple weeks ago when I was passed out on Ambien, Ron heard what sounded like gun shots followed by the screech of tires and sirens just up the hill and across the street.  He was glad I didn’t hear it and when I asked him if he looked out the window he exuberantly exclaimed “NO!”  So who knows in this neighborhood.  I’m just glad we are prepared for a thug or zombie apocolypse.

Anyway, that’s my day.  Hope everyone is well and good!  Tschus meinen freunden.

Posted in Guns, Politics, Infertility, Health, General | 2 Comments »

15. April 2009 by Bex.

My day was full of snot.  Allergies, allergies, allergies.  I think trees hate me.  I would be a mortal enemy to an Ent.

I started my day by taking Sadie to the vet.  She has been yelping a lot, when no one is near her.  I thought it was her chipped tooth but the vet couldn’t find anything wrong with her.  I think it is her poor ear.  It’s full of nasty goop from her own prolific allergies.  I got in a good five hours of work today so that’s better than nothing.

Speaking of not being able to get in a full 8 hours, I was called by my allergist because they are wondering where the hell I am.  Isn’t that nice of them?  Due to a miscommunication, I wasn’t able to make an appointment.  If I wasn’t so miserable I wouldn’t go in there.  I feel like I have enough goddamn doctor appointments to go to.  If you have tree allergies, don’t move here.  Back home we don’t have trees.  Trees are evil.  Tomorrow there will be more needle pokes, more sneezing, more misery.

Ron and I did go to the Tea Party today though.  I managed to stand outside and people watch for about a half an hour before I got too sneezy.  There were some good points made by the speakers about the various stimulus packages passed by our benevolent leaders.  There were all kinds of people there but mostly white people.  Republicans, Democrats, Libertarians, etc.  I mostly read signs that people made.  I was wondering how African-Americans are dealing with the new president.  If you are black and you oppose some major issues that Obama is pushing, are you considered against your own race by others?  It seems like if one is against the tax hikes initiated by Obama, people are automatically considered “conservative” and “right wing.”  But during the election, anyone voting for Obama was “far left.”  Wtf?  I hate both sides.  I can’t stand either party.  It doesn’t matter how good a person’s intentions are when he/she is running for President.  There are too many corrupt people around them, pushing and lobbying for their own interests.  How can anyone stay true to their convictions?

Here are some photos from the grounds of Liberty Memorial/National WWI Museum:

I am glad to be home.  I had to end my day by trying a new photograph technique: Holga-ing images.  There is a group on Flickr all about it.  It’s kind of a retro kind of image: http://www.flickr.com/groups/gameon/discuss/72157616667551196/ .  I couldn’t think of anything I’ve shot today that would work well with this technique so I posed some of my Army of Darkness figures that I got for Christmas.

That’s all for now folks.  Time for some good drugs and some relaxation.  Tschus.

Posted in Politics, Health, General | 3 Comments »