21. June 2010 by Bex.

We are closing to making a decision on wtf to do with my jerk-ass uterus. 

I had my ultrasound and basically they found fluid behind the uterus again and some cysts.  My doc thinks I shouldn’t be making cysts as I’ve been on birth control since last fall.  I have no idea what that is supposed to mean.  My uterus is also enlarged.  I guess it’s been taking illegal steroids or something.  She also said it’s possible that the type of endometriosis I have could be in the muscles or just making cysts and scar tissue.  Unless they do some biopsies, they just can’t tell.  The intramuscular type is harder to treat apparently.  Hahahhaaa seriously.  Great.

I refused the Lupron.  I don’t want to risk it with my RA and I don’t care to risk gaining a lot of weight, joint pain, and TEH CRAZY.  So at the rate I’m at, I will have surgery to clear out the adhesions about every 1.5 years.  Or I can have our kid now and get this shit removed for good.  We are going to consult with high risk pregnancy and fertility doctors.  Depending on what they say, we’ll make our decision.  This shit is coming out though…it’s just a matter of time.  I’m pretty damned tired of dealing with it.  Take it out!!!!!!!!!!!!

Surgery to clear things out for now will happen mid-July.  Hopefully I don’t miss too much work so that I can keep my job.  I’m hoping for a quick recovery. 

I’ve been on so much pain medicine lately that I can’t even think of what else to post right now.  So tired.  Ratchet’s been sick.  So between medicating him and Rowdy, I sometimes forget to take my own shit.  Whoops. 

However I did do something rather interesting last week.  I was in St. Joseph for work and stopped by the Glore Psychiatric Museum which is this very disjointed exhibit in an old asylum.  It’s creepy as shit  and just weird.

Here are some photos:

The morgue

Stomach contents of a compulsive swallower.

Two-way observation mirror.

Salem’s way of dealing with the insane.

Electro-shock therapy

You can see the rest of the photos on my Flickr.  It’s a cheap entrance fee and very interesting.  I recommend it.

Other than that, I’m doing well.  Ron just got a new job that he starts in a couple weeks.  He’s pretty excited and this will be a step up for him.  I’ve also just felt so stressed that I have no tolerance for bull shit anymore.  And just for little things.  I’d rather just confront a problem or person directly than to play stupid mind games.  I’ve realized how uncomfortable this makes people.  I guess this world has become so passive/aggressive that most people can’t handle direct confrontation.  I’m sure if I had more patience, I could be a little more tactful at times.  Oh well. 

Take care everyone.

Tschus.

Posted in Endometriosis, Museum Exhibits, History | 2 Comments »

11. September 2009 by Bex.

I have meant to blog, I really have.  I think I’ve been overwhelmed and lazy.  I also have hesitated in posting because I am aware an old internet stalker-type is back on my track.  I didn’t want to post because I’m sure he’s reading my stuff again (why, I don’t know) but fuck it.  I can’t stop being me just because of someone else’s actions.

Since my last post I’ve kep myself busy with various stitching projects.  I’ve had to order some supplies to finish framing but otherwise they are done:

I started another photograph-to-embroider piece and am busy with that.  I’m hoping to get it done before Breast Cancer Awareness Month starts up in October.  I’ve also got to clean up another pattern for a stitching swap I’m participating in.  I’m hoping it will turn out well!!  If anyone wants, I can start posting patterns.

The hell that is Cymbalta is almost over.  I haven’t had any in a couple of weeks and the only thing I notice now is that I’m a bit down in the dumps.  I think it was boosting serotonin as a means of blocking pain.  I don’t want to go on more drugs to get my natural serotonin to start producing itself again.  So I’m not sure what I should do about it right now.  For anyone reading this, just know there is hope to get off this shit, or anything else you are taking and want to be off of.  So the fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis are still a big part of my life.  I’m trying to figure out how to be active and get exercise without exacerbating the illnesses.  And the endometriosis still sucks.  Some days of the month I can hardly walk because it hurts so much.  I got more pain medication today and it was hard to sit in an office full of little babies and pregnant women.  It seems so easy for people to get knocked up.  I wonder why I can’t?  The doctor ordered a lab test so they are going to see what a bunch of hormone levels are up to right now.  I’m curious.

Also since my last post, Ron and I attended a home buyer’s workshop.   They are a non-profit group and claim they can help anyone get into a home.  We are a tough case!  Both of us carry student loan debt and credit card debt.  My health crap eats away at a lot of our funds.  Not to mention a recent $1000 car repair bill.  We just can’t seem to get ahead!  But we aren’t giving up and we have our first meeting next week with this group.  I found their presentation to be very interesting and it fired up the activist in me.  Damn the big lending companies!  Check out www.naca.com for more information.  They have locations all over the country.  If you go through their program, the big banks fulfill a federal law that says they need to loan so much a year to programs like this and you get a locked in low interest rate, no closing costs and no downpayment.  Not bad eh?  The catch is you have to go through a strict budget through their program to prove you can make your mortgage payments.

We’ve got lots going on this month which is good.  Good to be busy I guess.  We are going to help out an historic cemetery later in the month.  They need people to help weed and maintain headstones.  I’m also going to talk to someone about helping with their history book project.  And we have free tickets to the Twins/Royals game that night, which I’m really looking forward to.  I got to tour the Kaufman stadium but didn’t stay for a game.  We did see a minor league game not long ago, the T-Bones vs Joliet.  Again, free tickets!  I’m afraid that’s all anyone can afford these days.  If it isn’t free, we try not to do it anymore.

Here are some photos from the last few weeks.  Hopefully I can keep more on top of the blog from now on.

Posted in Cross stitch, NACA, Baseball, Crime, Cymbalta, History, Infertility, Health | No Comments »

4. April 2009 by Bex.

Things I could be doing now:

Working out at the gym

Going to see the civil war re-enactors at Shoal Creek

Trimming my nose hair

Making up 5 hours of work by doing data entry at home

Working on my book

Cleaning house

What I’m doing instead:  Sitting in my pajamas, seeing wtf is up with this Twitter thing, watching Ron play Mass Effect and drinking coffee.  Oh and I’m feeling guilty about not doing any of the above.  Especially the nose hair thing because it has reached the extreme tickle phase.

I created a Twitter account to see what the hype is about.  My Twitter is http://twitter.com/nodakbex, by the way.  I’m not too impressed.  I’m not sure what the point of it is.  So I go on here to update everyone on what I’m doing RIGHT NOW and then I read all about what everyone else is doing RIGHT NOW and that’s it?  The only thing I kinda like is that I can instantly put up a photo from my phone if I want to.  Well, as “instant” as I can get with a slow-ass Sprint connection from my weak phone.  I’ll give that a shot and if I’m still not impressed, I can delete the account.  I have to say Brent Spiner’s Twitter updates are amusing and odd.

Ok now that I see all this in writing, I’m somewhat motivated to eat breakfast and get to the gym.  Then maybe I can make myself take the camera up to Shoal Creek.  I should really try to get my ass out of the house more or my photographs will never be interesting.   Have a good day!

Posted in Twitter, Video Games, History, Hobbies, General | 3 Comments »

4. March 2009 by Bex.

I’m nearly off Cymbalta finally.  I’m taking it every 5 days.  When I hit about day 4, I’m feeling pretty awful.  The brain shocks get really bad but it could be worse.  I’ve also been calling and harassing people at three different clinics for various issues.  I can’t get anyone to call in a prescription for me so I need to go to the doctor in the morning and ask the doctor to physically hand me the prescription.  Grrrr.  I realize they are short staffed due to this uber cold/flu but it’s been three days and I’ve heard nothing.  Bah!

I admit that lately it’s hard to keep my spirits up.  I am glad Ron is good about listening to me vent.  I haven’t made any decisions yet but I’ve read a little on what they do to you for invitro fertilization and it sounds pretty intense.  I’m not sure I want to put my brain and my body through all of that.  None of that is covered by insurance and people can spend thousands on this and never get pregnant.  At least with adoption you eventually come away with a child.  I was thinking about this a lot today while I was researching for an out of state patron.  He is 80 years old and looking for information on his birth parents.  He gave me the names and wanted very basic information on some of the companies the father may have worked on based on some census information.  I didn’t think I’d find anything specific but I found a booklet that contained a photograph of them both.  They were singers who hosted a radio program in the early 1930’s.  I almost cried on the phone when I called this man to tell him that not only did I find his dad’s name in the city directory but I also found an image of both his parents.  He was so excited and promised to keep me updated on the rest of his search.

This was the orphanage that he was adopted through:

You can read more about the history of this place here: http://bedgie.tripod.com/ . This was a “high class” place to tuck away young mothers who were an embarrassment to their families and society because of unwanted/unplanned pregnancies.  It was such a different time and after reading up on this today, I can see why the laws are so strict now.  Crazy stuff.

Posted in History, Health, General | No Comments »